I’ll be honest.
At the moment I’m going through a very hard time.
I recently removed myself from a toxic relationship and detached with love.
It wasn’t easy – it took a massive leap of faith but I’ve landed on the other side and although the ground doesn’t always seem so solid I realise that this is the greatest act of self-love I’ve ever performed.
In society when we talk about people “loving themselves” it’s often in a negative sense.
That phrase brings up connotations of superficial people with inflated egos who think they’re IT, who love the sound of their own voice and gaze longingly at their own reflections.
But really we never know what’s underneath someone’s facade.
In reality most of us are fragile shells of people and no matter how confident we can feel, we never know what insecurities and fears may be lurking in our subconscious.
I feel extremely vulnerable at the moment – but that’s ok.
The beautiful thing is that right now I can recognise when I’m being unkind to myself and DO something to change that.
Yesterday my mind was firing bullets at me left, right and centre.
“You’re fat”, “You’re ugly”, “You didn’t put make-up on today, you’re disgusting” “You’re not in control of your life” “Look at you, you’re a mess.”
But once I said these things out loud to someone else, they lost their power.
I know in my heart they aren’t true but it was a shock to see such horrible, self critical bile bubble to the surface of my consciousness.
So today I took the day off work to re-centre and treat myself with kindness.
I practiced some yoga, meditated, did my laundry, played with my cat and let myself feel my feelings.
When I get depressed, lonely or anxious my knee jerk reaction is to say “I shouldn’t feel this way” but that’s another way for me to me unkind and hard on myself.
I’m a human being with a whole gamut of emotions and it’s normal for me to feel them, even if I don’t understand why.
Acceptance is key.
Once I can accept that I need to slow down, that I don’t feel 100%, that I’m tearful or upset, that my mind is foggy or that I’m overwhelmed with anger, then I can pause and ask what I need to do to process those feelings so I can let them pass – and ultimately move beyond them.
Today ask yourself this – “Am I being kind to myself or am I being harsh, self-critical and perfectionistic?”
The answers are always within.